(Author's Note: Do NOT try this at home! Or anywhere else, for that matter. Do not play with fire. Do not rough-house near grills or open flames. Cautionary statements made within this fictional tale are not intended to replace any manufacturer's instructions, or fire safety tips.)


Part 1

The Kitties lounged around the plush offices of HRH headquarters, debating what fun activities to have for the upcoming BBQ. Various ideas were tossed about, including a contest or two. "But a contest about what?" asked KittyShannon. "Hmmm," sighed KittyLynne. "How about the best technique for lighting a fire?" A slow wicked grin spread over her face, which currently was upside-down since she was lounging on the couch with her head over the side, purple spike heels to the heavens and auburn hair spilling on the floor. KittyCaro and KittyShannon glanced at each other and then pummeled KittyLynne with throw pillows.

"Will you quit thinking about Keith!" exclaimed KittyCaro. "We have work to do." KittyLynne smirked, "Who said I was thinking about Keith?" KittyShannon sharply drew in a breath and demanded, "Who were you thinking about?" Her voice carried a dangerous quality, so KittyLynne shrugged and said "Wild Blade" to put KittyShannon at ease. "Anyway," she continued, "we can have a contest between the guys for the best technique to light the grills for the BBQ. Winner gets a kiss from the Kitty of his choice, and loser..." She grinned evilly, going over to her desk and pulling something out of one of the drawers. "The loser has to wear this." KittyCaro and KittyShannon gasped in horror, and then fell to the floor in a fit of giggles.

"It's perfect, isn't it?" grinned KittyLynne. The garment in question was a short-sleeve, black button-down shirt in what could have been rayon, but the red hot-rod style flames outlined in gold lame were definitely the finishing touch. It positively gleamed.


Part 2 (Later, on Arus...)

Lance rubbed his hands together in glee. It was the perfect plan. Not only would the grill be lit, but the coals would also be up to grilling temperature instantaneously. And he should definitely get points for style. Yup, that kiss was as good as his. He grinned.

"OK, everyone," announced KittyLynne. "We will now begin the judging. Gentlemen...light your fires!"

Under the watchful eyes of the Kitties, the various contestants exhibited their techniques for safely lighting the grills and preparing to BBQ. Not surprisingly (for the HRH group anyway), Hunk took the lead due to his vast experience with food preparation. But there was one more contestant...

"Stand back!" came Lance's voice over Red Lion's speaker. His grill had been set up far back from the others. Everyone watched in amazement as Lance ignited the flame thrower in Red Lion. ~I'll bet they're impressed!~ he thought to himself, and aimed at the grill.

FOOM!

A pillar of fire taller than the Castle of Lions shot into the air and suddenly dissipated. All that was left of the grill was a molten puddle of slag. Defeated, Lance climbed out of Red Lion and gaped at the smoldering remains. "I think we've found our loser," said KittyLynne sweetly, advancing on her prey. Lance turned and caught sight of the hideous garment. "NO WAY! YAAAAA!!!" he yelled, making a break for it with KittyLynne in hot pursuit. ~Da--, who thought she could run in those shoes?~

Pidge snorted in disgust. "I told him liquid oxygen was too dangerous, but he wouldn't listen!" KittyShannon looked over at Pidge, "What was that?"

Pidge repeated himself, and then continued, "To light a grill properly, you need a responsible adult -- which disqualifies Lance in the first place..." KittyCaro and KittyShannon giggled. "If it's a charcoal grill, you have to stack the charcoal properly so enough air gets to the fire. You shouldn't even need lighter fluid, but if you use it, then you don't want to use a lot, and you shouldn't squirt it on after the fire is already lit." The Kitties nodded. "And if it's a gas grill, you want to make sure everything's in working order, and you don't want to let the gas build up too much before lighting the burners. Otherwise, they're pretty simple," he concluded.

KittyShannon looked at KittyCaro. "Those sound like excellent techniques. I think we have another winner." KittyCaro smiled and went to give Hunk his winner's kiss. KittyShannon bent down to give Pidge a kiss on the cheek, causing him to blush furiously. At the same time, she casually stretched out a dainty foot and tripped Lance as he ran by, KittyLynne close on his heels.

"AIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" Lance hollered in anguish. KittyLynne pounced, waving the ugly shirt triumphantly.


The End.